Tag Archives: books

Who can call Mr. Hue a douche now?

I was flipping through the channels today, trying to find anything but the commentary on the US election, when I had a strong deja vu feeling. I went back to Amazon and looked through the 1-star reviews of Shizzle, Inc. until I found its source:

“…the behavior of Mr. Hue was unrealistic and quite frankly, shockingly rude. A complete douche. If this were reality, his company would have gone down in flames before it ever got off the ground.”

Sorry, dear Gloria Louise. Turns out that if Shizzle, Inc. was set in reality, Mr. Hue would now be President-elect of the United States. So what if he spouts dubious business advice, insults people, or fires loyal employees? If anything, he’s not controversial or shocking enough. I mean, these quotes are almost polite when compared to some of the stuff that has come out of Donald Trump’s mouth:

Meme #9 Mr Hue

Meme #8 Mr Hue

Meme #6 Mr Hue

So guess what? I’m gonna bring him back! Somehow, I’m gonna use this recent drama to spin and sell more copies of Shizzle, Inc., because, as one extremely successful man has taught us all, you “can never be too greedy.” Mr. Hue probably won’t be groping anyone or making lewd comments about his own daughter, but maybe he can, I don’t know, call someone “fat and ugly” before firing them, that kind of thing. Maybe he will deport the Japanese instead of merely taking advantage of them. This may anger a lot of people, but what does that matter if I get to push my own agenda and sell more copies of my book? And in any case, who cares what people think about Shizzle, Inc., as long as I “got a young, and beautiful piece of ass.” Sorry to drag you into this, Joshy.

Not sure what I’m gonna do yet, but I have a feeling it’s the perfect time to try the New York agents again.

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Filed under Self-publishing and marketing

From the Archives: “4 Myths About Self-Publishing Today”

Stepping into self publishing for the first time is hard and scary. I deal with the fear by remaining unwarrantedly optimistic and exceedingly enthusiastic. You, however, may want to get a second opinion. Here’s one I thought was knowledgeable and well-researched:
From the Archives: "4 Myths About Self-Publishing Today".

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How do I love thee, Twitter Analytics?

Let me count the ways. I love thee, for you measure improvement. For without you, I wouldn’t have a clue whether my particular Twitter joke wasn’t funny or just got lost in the noise of a million voices. But most importantly, because you fill my heart with stupid, unwarranted hope that one day Shizzle, Inc will be discovered.

I’m crashing on Twitter Analytics like a stalking teenage girl. I can’t go for more than a couple of hours without checking stats, but there’s more to it than the OCD (I hope). It’s actually useful. If you’re using Twitter for anything other than reading random stuff, you have to get it. Right now. Stop reading this, there’s nothing else useful in the rest of this babble.

The most amazing thing is that all the data and analysis in TA is free. There isn’t a catch, like you have to spam your followers, or drag in your friends, or give up the cash you have not yet earned. And it’s broad, covering analysis I did not previously consider, like engagement rate.

If you Google the net, you’ll find a number of informative, in-depth articles on various virtues of TA and how to use the information to build your brand and reach your customers. I don’t have either the depth of knowledge or the patience to write a similarly informative article, so here goes my dumbed down easy to understand and superficial summarised list:

1. TA reminds me to tweet every day. Oh, how it hurts to forget about Twitter for a day, only to see that it completely forgot about me. Have a look at this graph and note the correlation between the number of tweets (in grey) and the corresponding number of “impressions” (in light blue):
IMPRESSIONS 7 days

2. TA tells me which tweets were effective and which got a “pfft” response. Yes, you can sorta figure that out based on a number of retweets or likes, but the “engagement rate” reveals if that was due to a sheer number of impressions, or a particularly effective tweet. It confirms time and again that photo-tweets are the most effective. The top two of my tweets over the last three months are both photos:
TOP TWEETS

3. TA holds a promise of the day when it all goes completely viral, like this spike of over 30,000 hits (yes, I double-checked the number of zeroes). All it takes, apparently, is for a famous musician with a million followers to retweet one of your tweets. Which makes me ever so grateful, even if he refuses to follow me back.
TWEET SPIKE

4. It feeds my sick need to see continuous improvement. Every. Single. Day. I can’t change much in my day-to-day job, but I sure can enjoy the growing follower count:
FOLLOWERS

That sums it up for me. There’s also WordPress stats, but I’m sure you know all about them. You don’t? Omg, go check them right now! You can thank me later.

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First steps

I didn’t know how hard it would be to sit down in front of a blank page, to start writing, not knowing if anyone would ever read a single word…or worse, thinking that if someone actually did find and read my stories, they would say things like “Wow. What a load of crap!”

Of course, there are much harder and scarier things out there. Like parachuting (which is not worth the risk, I mean, really not worth it). And actually, I have written fiction before (if  first chapters of a half-dozen unfinished novels count).  But I have never published or even posted anything in the cyberspace, for everyone to see and comment. Those first chapters of unfinished bestsellers are my personal treasures and secrets, my own fool’s gold.

But, you have to start sometime, somewhere, and for me it is today. Because I want to finish a novel, and because I want for others to read it. Because I want to get better at writing. Because I hope that in a multi-billion world there will be a few (a million?) that would one day close my book (or put down a Kindle) and say “Wow. What else did she write?” Now, that’s a dream worth the risk.

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Filed under General thoughts