New Indiot blurb – please help me choose!

We all know the importance of a good blurb – after the cover, it’s the single most powerful marketing tool for your book. So I don’t have an excuse for the current vague Indiot blurb. The good news, I’ve done some research and work on revising it. I’d love your help in choosing the final version. You can either vote:

or let me know your thoughts in the comments below. If you like some bits of both, please let me know as well.

NOTE: the final blurb will undergo copy-editing by a professional editor, who will fix all my grammar and spelling issues. I am looking more for feedback on structure, content, and voice. Does either one make you want to read the book? Do they convey the genre and style of the funny, fast-paced, action-packed actual book?

VERSION 1.

They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, but bad decisions will get you there even faster. Isa Maxwell has both in equal measure when she arrives in Delhi. Driven by the desire to help a mysterious prince and share her newfound wealth, she braves her first plane ride, and even makes two new friends—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium. Too bad she loses Vivien in the airport, and her passport somewhere on the way to the hotel.

Determined to find her way out of this predicament, Isa tries harder and harder to get help, only digging herself a bigger hole in the process. Things go from bad to worse, then worst, and finally to dire, as she encounters one wacky character after another, including a blast from the past.

Will Isa survive this mess with no passport or money or will it be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story?

 

VERSION 2.

What would you do if overnight, you found the wealth and notoriety you’ve been craving your whole life? Well, maybe not the whole life, but at least the first twenty years?

Isa Maxwell decided to jump on the plane to Delhi, to find a mysterious prince and help him win back his fortune from scheming uncles. Not to spend it, mind you—Isa is overcome with fantasies of helping the orphans, or poor, or whoever may need her in India. With Harden gone and everyone else nauseatingly loved up, she is also dreaming of making new friends. She finds two of those in first class—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium. Sadly, her drug-induced euphoria is short-lived, as she loses Vivien in the airport and her passport somewhere on the way to the hotel.

Not that big of a deal, right? The police can help. Or if not, the Embassy? Okay, the bank? Somebody? Isa hits the rock bottom, only to discover that it’s the beginning of a slide into the abyss.

Full of humor and action in equal measure, Indiot is a page-turning wild ride. Hold onto your valuables, as you meet a whole new cast of wacky characters and discover what can happen if you mix enough adrenaline with lunacy and enthusiasm.

57 Comments

Filed under Self-publishing and marketing

57 responses to “New Indiot blurb – please help me choose!

  1. Version one is more direct.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Version 1 is better but it’s still vague to me.

    Like

  3. My comment was equally vague and posted before I could finish it! What is the specific reason for Isa’s trip to India? “Helping” a “mysterious” prince is vague. What is she trying to do? A new reader needs more information. That’s my two cents. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Both have appeal, I went for 1. because it was a balance of information with enough tantalising questions.
    Whichever.
    Good luck & best wishes with the book

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The first one is best. Just a few suggestions that I’ve put in parentheses…

    Driven by the desire to help a mysterious prince and share her newfound wealth, she braves her first plane ride. She even makes two new friends—jewelry-draped (bejeweled is punchier) Vivien and a bottle of Valium. Too bad she loses Vivien in (replace ‘in’ with ‘at’) the airport (delete comma) and her passport somewhere on the way to the hotel.

    Determined to find her way out of this predicament, Isa tries harder and harder to get help, only digging herself a bigger hole in the process. Things go from bad to worse, then worst, and finally to dire (perhaps a bit too wordy — you could say ‘things go from bad to dire’), as she encounters one wacky character after another, including a blast from the past.

    The opening two sentences are fine, and the closing paragraph is a decently tantalising hook.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Sarah! Very happy with your suggestions, about to finalise and shoot it off to the editor. Very excited to have put so much thought into it, and will revamp Shizzle, Inc’s blurb as well.

      Liked by 1 person

      • My pleasure, Ana 🙂 I’m fully aware of how much of a headache it is writing blurb. It’s best to get it right in the first place, instead of being stuck with a blurb you don’t like on the paperback version of your book, when you’d prefer it to look like the Amazon Description that you finally come up with 6 months later, as is the case with my first book. With the next one, I must get it right the first time, as getting it wrong can negatively impact on sales in a way that’s hard to reverse.

        Liked by 1 person

      • This is the first for me too, I have revised the Shizzle blurb a couple of times and was never sure which one is better…so incredibly thankful for having this blog as the sounding board, and so many people willing to help.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Terry Mominee

    Version 1 is better, but it needs tweaking. Some sentences are too long or contain nonessential tidbits (at least as far as a blurb goes). The story sounds great, with a lot of action , so the blurb needs to reflect that a bit better. Just MHO.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Is it possible to merge the two somehow?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, of course – are there particular bits you liked in each one?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I really like this part, it’s funny, tongue and cheek like your writing style:
        They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, but bad decisions will get you there even faster. Isa Maxwell has both in equal measure when she arrives in Delhi. Driven by the desire to help a mysterious prince and share her newfound wealth, she braves her first plane ride, and even makes two new friends—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium.
        But I also like this part which overlaps obviously:
        Isa is overcome with fantasies of helping the orphans, or poor, or whoever may need her in India. With Harden gone and everyone else nauseatingly loved up, she is also dreaming of making new friends. She finds two of those in first class—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium.
        I like this bit too but you have to explain she’s lost her passport:
        Not that big of a deal, right? The police can help. Or if not, the Embassy? Okay, the bank? Somebody? Isa hits the rock bottom, only to discover that it’s the beginning of a slide into the abyss.
        I like this end:
        Will Isa survive this mess with no passport or money or will it be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story?

        I’m not sure I’ve help really but…Can’t wait to see what you choose.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you again – it looks like I might have to merge them into one, while trying to keep it brief…big job 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Isn’t that always the way?

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Tony Poulsen

    #2 is too wordy and seems to give the whole book away. Grab us but dont tell us.. #1 is less wordy and does not seem to give the plot away.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I like version one, but without the second paragraph. Too much info.
    Para 1 + Last Sentence = Curious to see what happens.
    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Donna! Yes, overwelmingly #1 is the preferred one. So glad I did it – #1 was my first, and then I wrote #2 and thought it was more engaging, but it obviously does not appeal as much.

      Like

  10. I think I like the first one better, though some combination of the two might work too

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I like the first paragraph of version 1 and the last two of version 2. I think they would be better combined. Both seem like a lot of fun though!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I like version 1 because there was quite a bit of information. I do enjoy version 2’s final paragraph more than version 1’s. Good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I like version 2 because of first paragraph because of the opening sentence as it engages the reader to think. Version one begins more matter-of-factly. It is telling, but version two has better opening.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’d go with option two.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Both are too long. I like the beginning of 2. Keep it short and sweet. How about:
    What would you do if overnight, you found the wealth and notoriety you’ve been craving your whole life? Isa Maxwell decides to jump on the plane to Delhi to find a mysterious prince and help him win back his fortune from scheming uncles. Accompanied by her two new best friends—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium–join Isa on a mad-cap romp through India.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you very much, loved “mad-cap romp,” what a perfect way to describe it 🙂 Looks like I will be merging the two. Totally agree that the final one has to be short.

      Like

  16. Perhaps merging the two would create a better blurb.
    Sentence one from version one with the middle paragraph of version two, ending with a mixture of the last paragraphs of both versions blended to simplicity.
    I hope this helps 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  17. olivia barrington

    Hi Ana! Here’s my two cents worth but you probably don’t need it. Of course no# 1 but just a few changes. Leave out the even in the first sentence it seems to throw off the rhythm of the sentence when you read it. For the second paragraph there’s too much info I would try something like When things go from bad to worse and finally dire, will Isa survive this mess or will it be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story? Keep the part will this be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story? It explains the title and Isa even for folks who haven’t read Shizzle,Inc. Whatever you come up with will be good after all this input and your hard work. Good luck, can’t wait to see what you come up with 🙂

    Like

  18. Personally, I prefer version one. But I’d try and incorporate the last para of version two if that’s possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I like 1 but there’s something in the second paragraph that jars, I think you can make that sharper,’ worse, then worst, that doesn’t sound quite right. For me if you just sharpen that section it’s pretty much there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. If I had to pick one or the other, I’d go with #1. I think a merging of the two would be better. The start of #1 is good, but as others have said the second paragraph just seems off. Product description (blurbing) is the bane of my existence, and not something I feel I’m at all good at, so take my words with several dozen grains of salt. From the second one I liked the line: Isa hits the rock bottom, only to discover that it’s (just) the beginning of a slide into (an even deep) abyss. (altered it a little)

    Good luck!

    Like

  21. First line of Blurb 2 is a keeper.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. ktomsovic

    Without a doubt, number one! Starts off with a joke and keeps the light-hearted tone throughout. Gives enough of the flavor and genre of the story (wacky misadventures) without giving everything away. Ends with a cliffhanger.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Sorry I’m late to the party. I looked at the page on Amazon, and I like that you made them shorter than these samples. I’d recommend that you take a look at this article, which gives a ridiculously simple and effective technique for writing a great blurb:
    http://www.digitalbookworld.com/2013/4-easy-steps-to-an-irresistable-book-blurb/
    It’s worked very well for me, both for my novels and my shorter works. The blurb you have lacks a compelling question for the reader in the first paragraph. And the one in the second paragraph isn’t all that compelling, because there’s really no way you’d kill off your main character in the second book of a series. Since you are targeting the American audience, I’d choose “losing her fortune” as the question. Americans are all about the money.
    Situation: Isa in India
    Problem: Money disappears
    Possibility: Recognizes the thief
    Mood: Screwball comedy
    There are obviously lots of other problem/possibility choices you could go with. But that one does seem pretty central to the plot, and it should draw audience interest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much for the article – I will look at the blurb again, but probably in a month or so. I feel brain-dead at the moment, and almost wishing to be traditionally published 🙂 At least then I could blame somebody else for my book’s marketing shortcomings…

      Like

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