The never-ending drama of my own making

The proofreading drama has actually ended. Thank you again to everyone who took time to comment on my recent dilemma with the proofread. I spent hours working through all the suggested edits and compiling a list of those I did not understand or did not like. I then sent the list to the proofreader and to her credit, she very promptly replied with comments on all my questions. I still disagree with some of her changes, but at least it is now more clear what I should and shouldn’t change. I also gained a bit of perspective thanks to the wide range of commentary on the blog, and appreciation of how many little details she did pick up. In the end I happily paid for the service (it was a very reasonable price anyway). More importantly, I’ve ended that bit of unfinished business and can now concentrate on chugging through the draft, looking over it myself one more time. The publishing date is T-minus two weeks, max.

There’s, however, a new drama on horizon. I do have a day job, a full time one as a low-level manager in a government agency. It’s awesome, it was my dream job when I got it three years ago, the trouble is – three years is a lifetime in Ana-years. I’ve been getting complacent, and complacent does not sit well with me, so I’ve started inquiring about other jobs and secondments. I’ve had interviews, but it started to look like stepping up will be more difficult than I expected. Then something happened last week, I don’t know what it was, but I hear rumours that I was mentioned by the CEO in an executive meeting. Next thing you know, its three phone calls in a space of two days, and now I have two interviews next week. For big jobs. Like, amazing, big jobs, full of delicious stress and with matching big paychecks.

I should be ecstatic, instead I hear an inner voice saying “well, that’ll be the end of my writing career.” The other internal voice, the caffeinated and high on adrenaline one, thinks I can do both. A friend of mine is adamant that I shouldn’t even think about a new job if I truly want to succeed in writing. It reminds me of an episode of Friends, when Rachael was advised to quit her waitressing job, in order to be truly hungry for her dream. From memory, it didn’t end that well.

Can I do both? I don’t know. Maybe I would be more energised. I could also crush badly… anyway, there’s no point in worrying about it, there have been no offers yet. There is, however, massive drama, as always 🙂

61 Comments

Filed under Self-publishing and marketing

61 responses to “The never-ending drama of my own making

  1. Dede

    You can do it! Have faith, we do.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Following your dream is never easy. We chose our path, but along the way we have to stop to ask directions. You’re at a cross roads with a full tank. If you go left the road is wide, if it doesn’t work you can do a u turn. If you go right you won’t find a turning point for ages. If you carry on, the scenery will stay the same. OK I’m rambling. Where do you see yourself. You’re living your dream, writing and in the job you wanted. Did you dream of moving on, if so, go for it. I wish you luck and I’m glad to see you sorted out the proofreading.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Have the cake and eat it. It will be hard to eat from the profits off you book(s), well not many can. But then what to do when you retire? You need some hobby ;o) I have a busy job and a family with 3 young kids, and I make time where I can. Forcing to be in the mood for writing even on the commuter bus… Bits an pieces and an evening here and there.

    Good luck on the interviews!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Marco! Three kids… wow. I got none, so I probably could do it 🙂 I do have a 30 min commute on a tram, should commit to writing then, instead of reading other people’s blogs and Twitter jokes 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I have a demanding job, the trick is to force yourself to make time but also forgive yourself if you don’t manage to write. My advice would be to go for the interview if you don’t you might always ask ‘what if?’ Good luck with what ever you decide.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your book’s coming out in two weeks, so you don’t need to think about writing for a while yet. (Concentrate on getting the word out.) And in the meantime go to the interviews. If you get the dream job it will have settled down by the time you’re ready to start writing again and you’ll know when and how to make time for it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you! I am finding it hard to work on the second one, but I was blaming it on the unresolved business with editing, etc. In any case, I love new experiences and hope a new job will kick my butt into a high gear 🙂

      Like

  6. I was going to say exactly what that last person said. My book released two days ago, and other than short blog pieces I’m doing for awareness, I can’t imagine doing actual novel writing for quite a long time.

    I have one of those big, stressful-at-times jobs. The trouble isn’t time. You only work 8-10 hours a day. The trouble is that the job uses your creative energy for the day. My solution to that was to write in the early mornings and on weekends. That worked for me. Writing on a tram would be impossible for me, but it’s definitely the right idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Yes, Ana, yours is a difficult conundrum, even with all the advice you have received to this point. I don’t want to be the negative one here, but I will tell you this. I spent 28 years working for “Big Brother” and climbed the ladder, as you are considering doing, and it’s taxing. The higher you go, the more responsibility (as I’m sure you already know) is put upon your plate, and if it’s in management – well, that’s another story. Your hours will likely be extended, depending on job. It’s a huge sacrifice of your life. Add to this that you have a “future husband” in the picture. I don’t have to tell you that writing is a sacrifice in itself. I climbed the ladder, and stayed on it as a means to one day retire and get down to business with my writing. Listen to your knowing place; you will find your answer. Best of luck to you. Donna

    Liked by 1 person

  8. See how it goes. You will know what to do at the time. Trust in that. It is such a blessing that success is following you – you have obviously worked hard!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Ana, I always try to think a bit sideways and your situation makes me think that this offer only came because you are happy and confident about your writing. It’s happening. On every front. Therefore fate is trying to tempt you, like a little devilish pact, offering you shiny things to lure you away from your dream you are so close to. Of course you could do both. But why should you. Channel your energies into what you love and what makes you feel good. It’s nice to say no and maintain your (artistic) integrity. You will be rewarded for it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you TD! It’s very hard to answer what I love, because my work and my book are like my kids, and I can’t choose the favourite. Also, when one of them was not going so well over the last two years, I’ve found having something else to work on was a lifeline. I am taking a risk of crush and burn, and that has also happened before.

      In a way, because I will publish my book next week or so, I will use it as a test of whether or not I’m a good enough writer. At one point I’ve thought I was destined to be an actor, but it turns out that my accent is a major stumbling block. If people love, buy, comment, and tell others about my book it will surely be a catalyst to put more energy into another one. If on other hand I get slammed in reviews, I will probably quit and reinvent myself as yet something else 🙂

      Like

      • 🙂 You are enough. It doesn’t matter what other people say or think. You did it with your heart and soul and that will make anything you do great. Good luck, and hey, you could always be acting in smaller ensembles just for fun. I once did a stint with a homeless theatre group, we performed A Midsummer Night’s Dream and it was a humbling and riveting experience 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  10. If you write, that urge will always be with you. Journaling random thoughts and ramblings can eventually become a written piece. Explore your job opportunities while you have them. Taking one will give you a different perspective to write from. Best of Luck.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! That’s true – while I’m writing about billionaires and kidnappings, the comedy of situations and human interactions comes from my life experience, of which the large chunk has been at different workplaces, in different positions.

      Like

  11. Argument for the job – if it’s more money, then you’ll have more to spend on self publishing. Book covers, editors, buy some ads, etc. People don’t like to mention the money part, that somehow that’s not true self publishing, but really self publishing gives you the chance to start your own business and people who treat it that way usually do better.

    Probably the key to juggling both is whether the people in your life respect what you’re trying to do. Mine don’t, so I end up working, then taking care a whole host of problems after work, and then my writing time only comes when everyone is asleep, unconscious and unable to ask me to do anything.

    It’s a tough call but my gut says you’ll be able to do both.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! My gut seconds that motion 🙂 And I’m not one of those people that shy away from money questions – I’ve lived without it for far too long to appreciate having it now.

      Like

  12. You pretty much have to go for it. Because nothing is guaranteed. You might not achieve “success” as a writer (in quotes because that means different things to different people) even if you do stay where you are. And you may not ever get another shot at the big job. A show horse that shies from the fence the first time around may not be taken out on the track again. More resources (better job) will eat some of your time and energy. But if you want to write, you’ll write.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you John. No, it’s not, as my various attempts at creative greatness have shown 🙂 In addition to thinking I will become a quintessential Russian badass antihero in films (I was hard at it for about four years), I was once also a portrait sculptor: http://purelines.4t.com/. None of those paid the bills. One thing for sure, I have plenty of hobbies waiting for me in retirement 🙂

      You’re also right about ruining my reputation with declining opportunities. I’m quite blown away that I’m being head-hunted, it was always my dream 🙂

      Like

  13. onbecomingalemonademakerblog

    Your writing is part of your soul, you write from a gut level so I don’t worry that you’re going to let it slide completely out of your life! Becoming a bestselling author happens to the very few! The rest of us need day jobs to pay the bills! We continue to write, photograph, create art etc. in our spare time!

    Rose colored glasses can be difficult to live with in the long run, since we can place too much emphasis on chasing the dream! Chasing a dream doesn’t in itself guarantee success and there are many who don’t arrive at the personal goal they have set.

    You’ve had an incredible opportunity dropped into your lap by the Universe. Apart from paying the bills now, how do you know that this isn’t a wonderful opportunity to put some serious money up in your savings to build a nest egg and you may live some great experiences which will help you with your writing in he future?

    My daughter stuck with a very demanding job for many years in a disreputable industry for the sake of her kids, but as I just told her, she has enough stories to write a tell-all book series! She’ll write under a nom-de-plume, to protect her future jobs.

    I wish you all the best with your decision, but fear not, you’ll make time to write when you set your mind to it! Even if you don’t write for a while, the fallow periods can be incredibly useful to allow you to refresh, add new perspectives and experiences to your repertoire!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Lemonade Maker 🙂 I am weary of the fact that the writing odds are in favour of “starving artist”. I was a starving kid in the Soviet Union, and I don’t ever want that again, especially not in the old age. Also, I’ve gone through the period where I thought I will be a professional actress (did it alongside the career). I’ve made a grand total of $2,000 from my acting jobs, but spent a few times that in courses and memberships. And you’re so right – my current job allowed me to spend $3,000 on the editing (total of three rounds). It made me a better writer in that way, I guess.

      Like

  14. olivia barrington

    Each one of us have a destiny set out in front of us but it is up to ourselves to achieve that dream. You are the only one who walks your path, lives your life, ultimately you are the only one that knows what your heart truly wants out of this life. If it were me in your place I would take one of the jobs and if my writing career took off you can always quit the job and write full time. Nothing is set in stone. Do everything you’ve ever wanted to do with your life and do all of it with out looking back. If you do, that’s when regrets start to creep into your life. Remember you can always write if you really want to and you can always get that dream job you want. You already have. Right? So go for the brass ring and everything you always wanted in life. Work at that great job and write your novels, if anyone can do it, you can. Go for the interviews and publish that great novel ! Best of luck at the interviews and I want to see the final cover before you publish your book so I can tell you how much I love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aah, thank you Olivia! If there is an offer, I think I will take it, I’ve always been the “bite off too much and then chew like hell” kind of person. Thank you so much for the well wishes, and I wish there’s been a progress on the cover, unfortunately I’ve been too engrossed in polishing and formatting. Next weekend, for sure!

      Like

  15. One step at a time. 🙂 See if and what they offer and take it from there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Charlie! I do have to keep it in mind that there has been NO OFFERS. This is very much “me” – to get hyper-excited well ahead of time. Every time I’ve ever bought a ticket I was truly a millionaire for the day 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I didn’t start writing until later in life due to the demands of corporate work and raising a family. I couldn’t do both, and though on some level I wish I had started writing earlier, I’m having a blast now without all the pressure. Whatever you decide is fine as long as you are taking care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much D. I don’t have kids (at least not yet), but I do have a very supportive partner, so I hope I could manage both. I have tried going back to school while in the current job, but only managed a year – it was too much and became a chore. Good thing with writing is that I can set my own deadlines, so I will try to do both, at least until it becomes a problem…

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Congrats on getting your editing completed. I find that piece the most tedious. There’s things to be said for complacency and comfort, and there’s life to be had with challenge and drastic learning curves. Whichever path you take, keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. xxalkos

    Hello Ana,

    Echoing the comments from above, much of your work up to this point was done in steps. As your future will be too.

    As evidenced by your editorial dilemmas, maybe they’re just issues of style right now. Another step.

    More steps, morer experience.

    I really can’t comment on the upward mobility on the management ladder, but I do know the CEO of the U.S. has published a few books while in office. The CEO of Yahoo has a young child.

    Probably all of these in some capacity as Chief Delegation Officers.

    Whatever way you choose, very best of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much! I just had a coffee with one of the directors, the one who is kind of head-hunting me. I had the balls to ask why he is interested in me applying and he said a few very nice words about my reputation, how my work has been noticed, etc…I was so happy, it’s hard to explain. It feels like I have two “kids” – the book and the career, and I can’t choose a favourite one 🙂

      Like

  19. At a recent Writer’s Festival I attended, one of the expert panels told us that the average writer’s annual wage in Australia is $3,500! So keep your day job. And perhaps you’ll get the dream job? Why not give it all a year, and then reassess? Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you BaS, the reassessment is a good point and something I do quite regularly. $3,500 is actually not so bad, considering how many writers there are. When I was an actor, my annual income was about $1,000 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  20. What’s to stop you doing both? You can use the job as a stop-gap to ensure money is coming in whilst you’re reaching for your dream, also would you regret; not trying, just to prove to yourself, you could do it? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi J, I guess nothing is stopping me, except a conversation with a friend who said I have to give it all to writing and that if I pursued a career growth at the same time, writing would die off due to competing priorities, etc. Who am I kidding, though, I would so regret it if I didn’t try both 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Our friends are amazing, they’ll always stand in our corner, but sometimes; we have to look inside ourselves to see what we really want…..do a quick meditation, or ask Spirit/your angels to you a sign.

        Liked by 1 person

      • True that 🙂 I saw a sign this morning, when I had a coffee with the potential new boss. He was telling me about the huge projects they’re taking on and I had butterflies in my stomach 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Butterflies, indicative of; transformation & transition……Looks like you’ve received your answer but, ask Spirit to give you a dream this evening, helping you with your decisions.

        Liked by 1 person

  21. You can always change your mind down the road. Nothing is concrete. Perhaps interview for these jobs, maybe even take them–down the line, if you think it’s not working out, you can find something else. Or, maybe it will all work out and you CAN do both. You won’t know until you try 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Journalist and author Gay Talese wrote many acclaimed articles and respected books. He wrote 1 page a day. Kurt Vonnegut also had a day job.

    Your new job prospects sound exciting. Lots of opportunities for new material!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kurt did?? Yay, thank you for telling me, Emily! Well, I’ve just found out that the first job has not panned out. What was I worried about 🙂

      I do love having a regular job, not only because there’s no stress over money, but because it does provide limitless comedy…meeting, bosses, irate public…opportunities are endless 🙂

      Like

  23. Journalist and author Gay Talese wrote many acclaimed articles and respected books. He wrote 1 page a day. Kurt Vonnegut held a full-time job for many years.

    Your new job prospects sound exciting. Lots of opportunity for new material!

    Like

    • Hi E, and sorry for the late reply – somehow I’ve missed your comment. I was certain that I’ve replied from my phone – I was excited to hear that Kurt had a regular job 🙂 Also, I can handle a page a day 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Glad things were sorted for you. Hope you figure out the job x

    Liked by 1 person

  25. dcavnar

    It sounds like you have quite a bit on your plate, and some potentially big decisions ahead of you. In the post, you wrote that three years ago, you believed that your current job would be your dream job. Would a promotion enhance that dream, effectively pulling you out of your complacency, or has your vision of a dream job shifted to that of being a full-time writer? I wish you the best in the days to come, and thank you for checking out my post! It’s an honor to have someone that has clearly built up an amazing following check out something I’ve written. I look forward to following your moves!

    Like

    • Thank you, DC. It’s hard to say because I’ve had so many dreams in the past and tend to get excited easily. I’ve already missed out on one of the job options, so my course may well be decided for me, who knowa. In any case, I’ll be happily making other dreams come true 🙂

      Like

  26. Proofreading drama! Been on both sides of that. It helps to remember each party wants the other to succeed. Congrats on the book, and thank you for the like and follow. 🙂

    Like

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