I know, I’m still weeks away from actually seeing my novel on Amazon, but being a planner I just had to think of a few marketing ideas. For if a book hits an overcrowded marketplace and no one is around to read it, does it make a sound? I mean, of course it doesn’t unless it’s an audiobook, but you know what I mean.
I looked around to see what others are doing. It’s not pretty. On Twitter, you get spammed by messaged from authors begging you to read whatever it is they wrote. Some of them send out a message once EVERY MINUTE. What can it possibly get you, other than getting blocked, and fast? I can’t even understand some of those messages, #because #they #are #so #full #of #hashtags. Most authors are following other authors, and thus the circle of spam is complete.
I was thinking of doing a blog tour, but the problem is, I’m really shy for an extrovert. Sure, I can chat up a stranger at a party, but I can’t bring myself to ask for help. How do you even contact another writer with “Hey, can I blog on your site about my awesome new book?” without being blocked and reported? I might have to figure this one out eventually, but not now.
Instead, I’ve decided to try some unconventional ideas, the kind of idiotic and rebellious crap my characters would try. I can’t use home-made bombs and kidnapping for obvious legal reasons, but here are a few possibilities:
1. Shock and awe tactics. Like paying a million dollars for a gorgeous blonde to run naked through a footy game, with “Shizzle, Inc” painted across her bum. It worked for Virgin. The problem is that I don’t have a million dollars. I could of course do it myself, but then I could lose my job and possibly my fiancé. For now I’m going with a relatively lame idea of hanging a massive poster off the pedestrian pass over King’s Way. Saying something like #ShizzleInc and maybe a pic of a blonde. It needs work.
2. Begging my readers like they’ve never been begged before. Forget spam, I say. Do it in person. I’m going to print the novel cover and as much of the beginning as I can fit on a folded A4 sheet, so it looks like a mini-book with details on how to download the real thing at the end. Then I will stand at one of the CBD train station in the evening peak hour and hand them out to women in their 20-40s with lame come-ons like “Something to read on your way home?”. That’s legal, right?
3. Reinventing the already invented. Thinking of posting a few chapters on Twitter, 140 characters at a time. I don’t know if it’s even possible or wise, but I will try. Cause that’s how I roll.
4. Creating a Shizzle, Inc virus that delivers copies of the book to every desktop in the world. Yeah, you can scratch that one. I’m still not sure how computers work.
That’s about all for now. I wish it was a nice fat list of ten. If you have any suggestions, I’d really appreciate them, the crazier the better!
Ana Spoke, author 