We all know the importance of a good blurb – after the cover, it’s the single most powerful marketing tool for your book. So I don’t have an excuse for the current vague Indiot 
NOTE: the final blurb will undergo copy-editing by a professional editor, who will fix all my grammar and spelling issues. I am looking more for feedback on structure, content, and voice. Does either one make you want to read the book? Do they convey the genre and style of the funny, fast-paced, action-packed actual book?
VERSION 1.
They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, but bad decisions will get you there even faster. Isa Maxwell has both in equal measure when she arrives in Delhi. Driven by the desire to help a mysterious prince and share her newfound wealth, she braves her first plane ride, and even makes two new friends—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium. Too bad she loses Vivien in the airport, and her passport somewhere on the way to the hotel.
Determined to find her way out of this predicament, Isa tries harder and harder to get help, only digging herself a bigger hole in the process. Things go from bad to worse, then worst, and finally to dire, as she encounters one wacky character after another, including a blast from the past.
Will Isa survive this mess with no passport or money or will it be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story?
VERSION 2.
What would you do if overnight, you found the wealth and notoriety you’ve been craving your whole life? Well, maybe not the whole life, but at least the first twenty years?
Isa Maxwell decided to jump on the plane to Delhi, to find a mysterious prince and help him win back his fortune from scheming uncles. Not to spend it, mind you—Isa is overcome with fantasies of helping the orphans, or poor, or whoever may need her in India. With Harden gone and everyone else nauseatingly loved up, she is also dreaming of making new friends. She finds two of those in first class—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium. Sadly, her drug-induced euphoria is short-lived, as she loses Vivien in the airport and her passport somewhere on the way to the hotel.
Not that big of a deal, right? The police can help. Or if not, the Embassy? Okay, the bank? Somebody? Isa hits the rock bottom, only to discover that it’s the beginning of a slide into the abyss.
Full of humor and action in equal measure, Indiot is a page-turning wild ride. Hold onto your valuables, as you meet a whole new cast of wacky characters and discover what can happen if you mix enough adrenaline with lunacy and enthusiasm.
Ana Spoke, author 
Version one is more direct.
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Thank you. It’s emerging as a clear winner.
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Welcome 🙂
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Version 1 is better but it’s still vague to me.
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My comment was equally vague and posted before I could finish it! What is the specific reason for Isa’s trip to India? “Helping” a “mysterious” prince is vague. What is she trying to do? A new reader needs more information. That’s my two cents. 🙂
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Thank you, Taara. Incidentally, this was the main input from a quick look by the editor, before I rewrote – she said it needs to be specific.
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Both have appeal, I went for 1. because it was a balance of information with enough tantalising questions.
Whichever.
Good luck & best wishes with the book
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Thank you very much! #1 is a clear winner, but I might merge some bits of #2, keeping it short at the same time.
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Whichever way you choose, keep on keeping on.
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The first one is best. Just a few suggestions that I’ve put in parentheses…
Driven by the desire to help a mysterious prince and share her newfound wealth, she braves her first plane ride. She even makes two new friends—jewelry-draped (bejeweled is punchier) Vivien and a bottle of Valium. Too bad she loses Vivien in (replace ‘in’ with ‘at’) the airport (delete comma) and her passport somewhere on the way to the hotel.
Determined to find her way out of this predicament, Isa tries harder and harder to get help, only digging herself a bigger hole in the process. Things go from bad to worse, then worst, and finally to dire (perhaps a bit too wordy — you could say ‘things go from bad to dire’), as she encounters one wacky character after another, including a blast from the past.
The opening two sentences are fine, and the closing paragraph is a decently tantalising hook.
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Thank you, Sarah! Very happy with your suggestions, about to finalise and shoot it off to the editor. Very excited to have put so much thought into it, and will revamp Shizzle, Inc’s blurb as well.
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My pleasure, Ana 🙂 I’m fully aware of how much of a headache it is writing blurb. It’s best to get it right in the first place, instead of being stuck with a blurb you don’t like on the paperback version of your book, when you’d prefer it to look like the Amazon Description that you finally come up with 6 months later, as is the case with my first book. With the next one, I must get it right the first time, as getting it wrong can negatively impact on sales in a way that’s hard to reverse.
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This is the first for me too, I have revised the Shizzle blurb a couple of times and was never sure which one is better…so incredibly thankful for having this blog as the sounding board, and so many people willing to help.
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Version 1 is better, but it needs tweaking. Some sentences are too long or contain nonessential tidbits (at least as far as a blurb goes). The story sounds great, with a lot of action , so the blurb needs to reflect that a bit better. Just MHO.
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Thank you very much, Terry. I agree that it needs to be tighter, and the editor should help with that. Anything specific that you didn’t think was essential?
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Is it possible to merge the two somehow?
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Yes, of course – are there particular bits you liked in each one?
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I really like this part, it’s funny, tongue and cheek like your writing style:
They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, but bad decisions will get you there even faster. Isa Maxwell has both in equal measure when she arrives in Delhi. Driven by the desire to help a mysterious prince and share her newfound wealth, she braves her first plane ride, and even makes two new friends—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium.
But I also like this part which overlaps obviously:
Isa is overcome with fantasies of helping the orphans, or poor, or whoever may need her in India. With Harden gone and everyone else nauseatingly loved up, she is also dreaming of making new friends. She finds two of those in first class—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium.
I like this bit too but you have to explain she’s lost her passport:
Not that big of a deal, right? The police can help. Or if not, the Embassy? Okay, the bank? Somebody? Isa hits the rock bottom, only to discover that it’s the beginning of a slide into the abyss.
I like this end:
Will Isa survive this mess with no passport or money or will it be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story?
I’m not sure I’ve help really but…Can’t wait to see what you choose.
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Thank you again – it looks like I might have to merge them into one, while trying to keep it brief…big job 🙂
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Isn’t that always the way?
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#2 is too wordy and seems to give the whole book away. Grab us but dont tell us.. #1 is less wordy and does not seem to give the plot away.
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Thank you, Tony, agreed – can’t give away even the beginning of the plot. Hopefully just the hint will suffice as the hook.
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I like version one, but without the second paragraph. Too much info.
Para 1 + Last Sentence = Curious to see what happens.
Thank you!
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Thank you, Donna! Yes, overwelmingly #1 is the preferred one. So glad I did it – #1 was my first, and then I wrote #2 and thought it was more engaging, but it obviously does not appeal as much.
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I think I like the first one better, though some combination of the two might work too
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Thank you! Yes, I’m thinking a combination of the two, edited down to just two paragraphs…
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I wrote up one I thought was pretty good and emailed it to you, feel free to use or not use or modify or whatever you want with that if it suits you
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Thank you, just saw it – I had a full-on day yesterday and did not get to reply to anything. Appreciate your help 🙂
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I like the first paragraph of version 1 and the last two of version 2. I think they would be better combined. Both seem like a lot of fun though!
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Thank you! I’m about to start working on the merging and editing of the two.
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I like version 1 because there was quite a bit of information. I do enjoy version 2’s final paragraph more than version 1’s. Good luck 🙂
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Thank you! So hard to choose…will be merging the two and mercilessly editing it down.
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You’re welcome! Good luck. I’m sure it’ll be great 😀
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I like version 2 because of first paragraph because of the opening sentence as it engages the reader to think. Version one begins more matter-of-factly. It is telling, but version two has better opening.
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Thank you very much.
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I’d go with option two.
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Thank you. Anything in particular? I will be merging the two.
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Both are too long. I like the beginning of 2. Keep it short and sweet. How about:
What would you do if overnight, you found the wealth and notoriety you’ve been craving your whole life? Isa Maxwell decides to jump on the plane to Delhi to find a mysterious prince and help him win back his fortune from scheming uncles. Accompanied by her two new best friends—jewelry-draped Vivien and a bottle of Valium–join Isa on a mad-cap romp through India.
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Thank you very much, loved “mad-cap romp,” what a perfect way to describe it 🙂 Looks like I will be merging the two. Totally agree that the final one has to be short.
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Go with Version 2.
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Thank you – looks like I will be merging the two. Was there something specific you liked about V2?
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It was more detailed. I did like both and I’m glad you’re merging!
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Thank you – I also had to edit it down, as apparently you can’t give away any plot twists. It’s a fine art…
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Perhaps merging the two would create a better blurb.
Sentence one from version one with the middle paragraph of version two, ending with a mixture of the last paragraphs of both versions blended to simplicity.
I hope this helps 😉
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Thank you, it does. That’s my next task, combining the two while keeping it brief and dramatic.
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Good luck 🙂
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Hi Ana! Here’s my two cents worth but you probably don’t need it. Of course no# 1 but just a few changes. Leave out the even in the first sentence it seems to throw off the rhythm of the sentence when you read it. For the second paragraph there’s too much info I would try something like When things go from bad to worse and finally dire, will Isa survive this mess or will it be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story? Keep the part will this be the last chapter in this Indiot’s story? It explains the title and Isa even for folks who haven’t read Shizzle,Inc. Whatever you come up with will be good after all this input and your hard work. Good luck, can’t wait to see what you come up with 🙂
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Personally, I prefer version one. But I’d try and incorporate the last para of version two if that’s possible.
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Thank you! V1 is coming out on top…
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I like 1 but there’s something in the second paragraph that jars, I think you can make that sharper,’ worse, then worst, that doesn’t sound quite right. For me if you just sharpen that section it’s pretty much there 🙂
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If I had to pick one or the other, I’d go with #1. I think a merging of the two would be better. The start of #1 is good, but as others have said the second paragraph just seems off. Product description (blurbing) is the bane of my existence, and not something I feel I’m at all good at, so take my words with several dozen grains of salt. From the second one I liked the line: Isa hits the rock bottom, only to discover that it’s (just) the beginning of a slide into (an even deep) abyss. (altered it a little)
Good luck!
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First line of Blurb 2 is a keeper.
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Oh, I went with mostly #1. I will keep #2 for those ad sites that require the blurb to be different.
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Without a doubt, number one! Starts off with a joke and keeps the light-hearted tone throughout. Gives enough of the flavor and genre of the story (wacky misadventures) without giving everything away. Ends with a cliffhanger.
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Thank you! That’s what I ended up with – the blurb on Amazon has been updated.
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Sorry I’m late to the party. I looked at the page on Amazon, and I like that you made them shorter than these samples. I’d recommend that you take a look at this article, which gives a ridiculously simple and effective technique for writing a great blurb:
http://www.digitalbookworld.com/2013/4-easy-steps-to-an-irresistable-book-blurb/
It’s worked very well for me, both for my novels and my shorter works. The blurb you have lacks a compelling question for the reader in the first paragraph. And the one in the second paragraph isn’t all that compelling, because there’s really no way you’d kill off your main character in the second book of a series. Since you are targeting the American audience, I’d choose “losing her fortune” as the question. Americans are all about the money.
Situation: Isa in India
Problem: Money disappears
Possibility: Recognizes the thief
Mood: Screwball comedy
There are obviously lots of other problem/possibility choices you could go with. But that one does seem pretty central to the plot, and it should draw audience interest.
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Thank you very much for the article – I will look at the blurb again, but probably in a month or so. I feel brain-dead at the moment, and almost wishing to be traditionally published 🙂 At least then I could blame somebody else for my book’s marketing shortcomings…
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